


Say Something

by BeethllBug



Series: Inspired [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-19
Updated: 2014-06-19
Packaged: 2018-02-05 07:47:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1810768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeethllBug/pseuds/BeethllBug
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is learning to handle human emotion, and isn't taking it very well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say Something

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by "Say Something" by A Great Big World.

Sam had picked up on it first, but Kevin noticed pretty quickly too. Dean though? Dean didn’t see it, or he just ignored it. He hadn’t heard the slamming of cabinet doors, or the kicking of walls, or the throwing of miscellaneous items throughout rooms behind closed doors. Sam had been sitting with Kevin the first time he had watched Cas throw a book across the room and then shake himself to retrieve it before stalking out of the room. Today, he was alone with the fallen angel in the bunker’s library, mostly reading an ancient text but keeping Cas in the corner of his eye.

Sam jumped when the book hit the shelf and was out of his seat as soon as Cas had punched the shelf, by the time Sam had ran over to him he was on the floor, clutching his arm to his chest, and muttering curses in some foreign language.

“Cas?” Sam approached his friend with caution.

“Just let it be,” came a quiet whisper as Cas rose from the floor and tried to push past Sam.

“No,” Sam grabbed Cas’ shoulder to keep him from going past, “come on man, let me at least check out your arm.” A year ago, Cas would have just thrown Sam aside, or disappeared into thin air; a year ago, Sam wouldn’t be worried about checking Cas for injury. But today, Cas’ breathing was shaky and he was trying to make himself smaller. Cas gingerly extended his arm towards Sam, casting his eyes to the floor. Sam gently pressed his fingers into Castiel’s arm, taking note when he flinched as Sam touched his wrist.

“Cas, your wrist is sprained,” Sam continued pressing into Cas’ palm and fingers, “you’re lucky you didn’t break something.” He dropped Cas’ arm but immediately grabbed his shoulder when he tried to walk past again. “Dude, come on. Don’t be Dean. Don’t bury your shit. Talk to me.” Sam let out a deep sigh.

“I am unaccustomed to experiencing the complete spectrum of human emotion. I would appreciate a further opportunity to adapt before I am required to delve psychologically into my feelings with you.” Cas had reverted to his cold, curt, way of talking that made Sam back off.

“Kay man, just,” Sam shook his head, “just don’t bury it forever. I can only deal with one emotionally constipated person at a time.” Cas walked out of the library, only to appear a few seconds later.

“What do I do about my wrist?”

“It’s just gonna hurt for awhile, so treat it carefully. We could brace it if you want, but that usually just makes it annoying when you’re trying to do things.”

“Pain is human, I accept that.” Cas disappeared around the corner again.

Sam stooped down to gather the discarded book, closing it to read the cover. **_Romeo and Juliet? Why’d he get so angry with Shakespeare?_** Sam thought to himself.

\---

A few days later Kevin and Cas were reading quietly at the table in the kitchen when Dean walked in looking for coffee. Cas stood up silently as soon as Dean had walked past, not making a noise as he exited the room; a few seconds later they heard a door slam.

“What’s up his butt?” Dean asked after turning around when the door slammed.

“The entire spectrum of human emotion,” Kevin answered absently without taking his eyes off the tablet in his hands.

“Weird dude.” Dean half-laughed and shook his head.

“He threw Shakespeare a couple days ago,” Sam grunted, coming in for coffee also, “sprained his wrist punching the shelf too.”

“Hamlet or Romeo?”

“Romeo?” Sam looked questioningly at his brother, “does it matter?”

“No, I was just wondering?” Dean rolled his eyes.

“Whatever. You should talk to Cas, help him figure out whatever he’s dealing with.” Dean just glared at his brother, “You do have a more ‘profound bond’” Sam said with air quotes.

“Yeah, whatever,” Dean huffed, “Doesn’t mean I am qualified to do chick-flick psychobabble with a fallen tax-account.” Sam gave Dean a bitchface but stood up to go talk to Cas.

\---

“Hey Cas, buddy?” Sam said quietly, knocking on his friend’s door, “I said I’d give you a few days, but it’s time for you to talk to someone now.” Sam opened the door when there had been no answer for a few moments The room was dark, but the light from the hall illuminated the small bed that had been nestled into the corner. Cas was curled into a ball in the corner with his trenchcoat covering him like a blanket. Sam walked in and closed the door before turning the lamp on and pulling a chair up next to the bed.

“Come on Cas, please, talk to me.” Sam said, pulling his hands through his hair and taking a deep breath. Cas didn’t move at all, but Sam knew he was awake because his breathing was so uneven. “Would you rather talk to Dean? I could go get him.” Cas suddenly bolted upright and shot even further into the corner, pulling his knees to his chest. He looked like a terrified ten-year-old that was afraid of the monster under the bed.

“No. Not Dean.” It was barely louder than a whisper.

“Then you have to talk to me.”

“I don’t want people to treat me differently.” Cas let his forehead fall onto his knees.

“Dude, no one here is going to treat you differently. We all have feeling, and get angry. We know it’s going to be hard for you to get used to it.” Sam was tempted to crawl onto the bed with his friend and pull him into a hug, but didn’t want to spook the man who had just started talking to him.

“Dean’s going to hate me.” Cas’ voice was barely audible.

“Dean could never hate you,” Sam thought about his words a moment, “could you at least look at me?” Cas lifted his head and looked at a space near Sam’s head before actually making eye contact, “Cas, you freed leviathans, tried to be god, almost beat him to death, and broke down a wall in my head that made me go crazy. Did he hate you then? No. He was a little grumpy, then got over it.”

“This is different.” Cas looked down again.

“Well. Tell me what you’re thinking and we’ll see.” Cas paused for a very long time, obviously choosing his words carefully.

“I’ve made, sacrifices,” Cas finally started, “I’ve done all these things because I thought they were the right things to do.” Cas paused but Sam stayed silent, hoping he would keep going, “I thought I was doing it for humanity, to save the whole earth from heaven’s dictatorship, and hell’s wrath.” Cas chewed on his lip a moment, collecting his thoughts again, “But it wasn’t for humanity. It was for Dean. I made all of those sacrifices for Dean.”

Sam blinked rapidly a few times, **_Well, this explains throwing Shakespeare_** , he thought before saying anything, “Do you think you love him, Cas?” Sam asked with genuine curiosity.

“I know I do.” Cas put his hands over his neck. Sam didn’t know what else he could say. They sat in silence for a few minutes.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Cas, I don’t. Thank you for talking to me, and telling me what’s up,” Sam paused and Cas looked up in the silence, “Do you feel better? Having it off your chest?” Cas gave him a blank look before looking at his chest, then cocking his head to the side. Sam smiled at the confused mannerisms, almost a peek at the old Cas, “Figure of speech. Do you feel better, having told me about your feelings?”

“Yes, Sam, it does relieve my stress to have discussed my frustrations. But I do not know how to further my emotional process without shunning Dean from my life.”

“Don’t do that.” Sam couldn’t come up with the right words to say, he just knew that he couldn’t let Cas shut Dean out again. Dean had completely fallen apart last time they had fought. Sam shook his head, “Just give it a few days, try to find a distraction, and keep talking to me, please.”

“I’ll reflect more and hope to find an amicable solution.”

“I’ll take it.” Sam saw the cue to leave and exited the room, heading for the kitchen.

\---

Sam silently tapped Kevin on the shoulder and signaled for him to follow while he held a finger to his lips to keep him quiet. It was only a few decades of training that made Dean take notice of the silent exchange. He followed after the two a minute later and stood out of sight while they talked in the library.

“Did you figure out why Cas has been so grumpy?” Kevin asked.

“He’s Romeo.” Sam rubbed his temples. Kevin looked at him blankly then raised his eyebrows. “Making huge sacrifices,” Sam took a deep breath through his nose, “for love.” Kevin squinted his eyes in confusion. “But he didn’t know it was love at the time, then he figured it out. He’s not taking it well. And he thinks Dean will hate him.”

“Why would De-...oh. Dean is Juliet in this scenario?” Kevin shifted awkwardly after Sam nodded his head once. “What do we do?”

“What can we do? Dean’s too emotionally stunted to realize he loves Cas too, and even if he did, he’d never admit it. Cas wants to leave. But if Cas leaves, Dean’s going to break down again. You remember last time.” Kevin shuddered involuntarily.

“I’ll start hiding the alcohol.

\---

Dean backed away from the door quickly when he heard them walking out of the library. He was seated back in his chair, only slightly winded, when Kevin and Sam reappeared in the kitchen. Before Sam could mention Dean’s uncharacteristic breathing, there was a noise from the stairs that led to the door. Sam walked into the next room where he could view the stairs. Cas was at the top, looking at the small duffle that had toppled a few stairs below him.

“Cas, whatcha doin’?” Sam said, trying to sound nonchalant.

“I contemplated for as long as I could stand. I cannot remain here like this. It just hurts too much.” Cas picked up his bag and walked the few steps to the bunker door.

“Cas,” Sam watched his friend turn towards him, “Remember that you can come back. You can always come home.” Cas nodded once and then walked out the door, closing it behind him. Sam waited a moment, hoping the door would open again, before he walked back to the other two.

“Cas left.” Sam said directly to Dean. Dean stared into space for a second, not breathing, “De-” Dean took off at a full run to the door, startling Sam and causing Kevin to look up from his seat. Sam followed after his brother and heard Kevin get up too. Dean was at the door before Sam had even gotten up the first step, but his long legs let him catch up to Dean outside. Cas was still within sight, a few hundred meters away, but Dean had come to a complete stop. Sam opened his mouth to say something, but Dean spoke first.

“Cas, wait.” He shouted, his hand coming up to his forehead, one of his stress tells. Cas hadn’t stopped, “Please.” Dean’s voice broke and he dropped to his knees. It was the most emotionally stressed that Sam had ever seen his brother. “Please, Cas,” Dean rocked forward a second with his head held in his hands, he missed the moment when Cas’ steps faltered a little before he went on walking. Dean sat up again and took a deep breath, Sam saw tears in his eyes, “Cas, wait. I love you too.”


End file.
